My Readers All Time Favorite ARTicle – Limited Time Just For Fun.

The contents below were produced from my sick imagination for my readers entertainment on 1st April 2018.  If you have nothing better to do, by all means read it. However if you have no sense of humor, you are hereby instructed to exit this page, if you are stubborn and end up  regretting reading the content, then you are fully to be blamed necause I have told you so, hahaha

INTRODUCTION

I have not been sleeping well for the last 2 nights ever since I went to Menara Maybank last Friday. I’m now at a cross road that will determine my future for the next 1 year. I really need your opinion on whether I should stop blogging and accept the position as of Chief Credit Card Strategist (1 year Contract).

Not only that, there is some bad news for us in respect to the wonderful AMEX 2 Gold/Platinum and Premier cards.

Let me start from the beginning…

In January 2018, I made many of my Followers perform 2 “missions” for me; and as a reward, they get to read my super tutorial on An Ancient Cash Back Technique To Earn More Pocket Money where  I would teach them how to earn extra free pocket money from just one cash back credit card (extra RM380 per month versus max cash back cap of RM50 per month!!!). One of the missions was to read a joke where I requested for my Followers to send an email to Maybank’s Datuk CEO demanding that Maybank compensate me for promoting their credit cards for years for FREE.

I was shocked when more than 50 of my Followers actually emailed (a draft template that I had prepared, click here to see it) to Maybank Datuk CEO because they have earned more than RM1K in cash back from the wonderful Maybank 2 Cards Gold/Platinum after reading my credit card tutorials and felt that Maybank should compensate me!!!

As many of you are aware, on January 9 this year, a renown blogger who goes by the name of Mr. Stingy made me famous when he proclaimed that I am among the top Financial Experts in Malaysia in his article titled 17 Experts Share Their Financial Advice for Malaysians 2018 (click here to read it at www.Mr-Stingy.com).

Now, Mr. Stingy, besides being a blogger, is also CEO* of several companies and has a vast network. He is also a member of the KL CEO* Club where many of the top CEOs* meet up for lunch every Monday at 38th Floor of Menara Dutch (formerly known as Holland Tower) Jalan Tun Razak. I was also a member of the KL CEO* Club when I was working but have terminated my membership 6 years ago as I was not willing to pay the monthly subscription fee of RM144 from my own pocket. Previously, the monthly subscription fee was paid by my former company. That’s how I got to know Mr. Stingy personally about 8 years ago.

And guess who is also a member of the club too? Yes Harimau Bank CEO!!!

So happened, the Harimau Bank’s Datuk CEO met up with Mr. Stingy sometime in the first week of March for lunch at Menara Dutch. And from Mr. Stingy’s article, he knew that Mr. Stingy could contact me and therefore requested for my mobile number as a favor from Mr. Stingy.

Mr. Stingy happily gave him my mobile number (you can say he sold me out) because now the Datuk CEO owes Mr. Stingy a favor in return!!! Mr. Stingy did inform me about the meeting and told me that the Harimau Bank CEO was initially pissed off to receive so many emails from my Followers. But eventually after checking out my blog, he was kind of impressed with my “FREE work for the Rakyat”!!!

On 28th March (Wednesday), I received a call from a lady who claimed to be the Harimau Bank CEO’s Personal Assistant. She informed me that her CEO had learned about my articles and had pressing matters to discuss with me. I asked her what was the matter of concern, but she refused to disclose any further information except that it is in my best interest to go to their HQ Level 28 on Friday (30th March) at 8.30a.m. and ask for her, Pn. Noraniza.

MEETING AND JOB OFFER

So, last Friday, I had to wake up bloody freaking early at 6am and left my home at 7am. I thought 1 hour should give me ample time to reach their HQ (and maybe have a ”teh tarik” too at one of the “Mamak” stalls near to Menara Maybank). Boy, I tell you the rush hour traffic jam is really freaking ridiculous. There are just too many freaking MYVIs and Alphards on the road! My blood pressure was shooting up like hell until I heard Fly FM’s Crappy Call, hahaha. I tell you, the government should raise car prices and impose 100% tax instead of reducing the tax from 10% to the 6% GST, thus making cars technically cheaper.

Anyway, I reached Level 28 only about 9am. It could have been earlier but the security at the lobby refused to grant me an access card for the lift as I did not know Pn. Noraniza’s full name. They only granted me the card/visitor pass when Pn. Noraniza called me and asked where I was; and I then passed the phone to the security guard and all was sorted out.

Noraniza…hmm… similar name to one of my favorite local singers, the gorgeous Noraniza Idris. Click here to check out her fabulous song Princess Dikir.

Noraniza

Noraniza Idris

Upon exiting the lift at Level 28, I was blown away…… I tell you the furnishing and fixtures are fit for an Emperor. Pn. Noraniza said that Datuk (referring to the CEO) is running late as he is caught in the normal rush hour. And I was thinking in my head – typical Malaysian, don’t know how to leave earlier in order to arrive promptly and have tons of excuses for being late.

Oh yes, Pn. Noraniza was a young beautiful slender lady, maybe in her late twenties or early thirties, with great fashion sense and her hair was gorgeous as if she just came from the hair saloon…..  I wish I had her as my PA while I was the CEO* of my former company.

Well, after waiting for an hour (where I happily chit-chatted with Pn. Noraniza), the Datuk CEO arrived at about 10.30am and I was lead to his office through a grand double leaf door that is more than 12 ft in height and 8ft in width. Upon entering his office, once again I was blown away. Normally, most CEO’s tables are 8ft in length. But this CEO’s table is 18ft long and has 4 mean looking golden (not sure coloured gold, gold plated or solid gold) tiger statues at the 4 corners holding up a freaking well polished mahogany table top (which reflected the sun’s rays directly into my eyes). Then another 2 people walked in and the CEO introduced them as Datuk CC Director of Credit Cards and Datuk HR Director of Human Resources (I was thinking … if they have a Board Meeting, the word most said would be Datuk, hahaha).

Here is the minutes of the meeting:

CEO: Mr. GenX, can I call you GenX?

Me: Sure Bro, sorry, I mean Datuk.

CEO: Firstly, I am a big fan of your blog. Your FREE articles, especially your freaking long articles on matters relating to LIFE, as it provide me hours of FREE entertainment. The main reason why I requested for this meeting is that I want to see the face of the person that is responsible for increasing my credit card base by two fold. My credit card department informed me that most of our card holders applied for our credit cards based on your recommendation.

Me: Thank you Datuk for the kind words. (thinking in my head – good start, he’s a follower of mine).

CEO: I would like to personally thank you for recommending our credit cards. When I recommend my bank’s cards to my friends, they think I only want their business. So, I refer many of my friends and customers to your blog and now many of them are your followers too. This is because they are able to make their wife happy as they get to fly First Class/Business Class (for FREE redeemed with Enrich Miles converted from their Credit Card’s Rewards Points).

Me: Thank you Datuk. (Thinking in my head – this meeting is getting better by the minute),

CEO: However, as you may or not be aware and we have announced the revisions to our Credit Cards’ Benefits online.

For your easy reference, below a screenshot of the revisions to the Harimau  2 Gold/Platinum/Premier Cards effective 15 April 2018:

Maybank Revised Terms and Conditions April 1 2018

Screenshot on 1st April 2018 @ 00:00:38 Hours. WTF!!! The 5% Cash Back will only be applicable for Dining, Online and Groceries!!!

Maybank 2 Cards Premier Revised Terms and Conditions April 1 2018

For 2 Cards Premier – Good and Bad News

Datuk CC: And the revision is all due to your fault!

Me (in shock, “buta buta kena taruh”): Excuse me Datuk, why am I to be blamed?

Datuk CC: You keep emphasizing to all credit card users that they are to PAY IN FULL their Statement Outstanding Balance prior to Due Date. Ever since you started blogging, our credit card holders have gotten smarter by utilizing the 30 to 40 days interest FREE period and pay just before the Due Date. Therefore, those who have been educated by you are not imposed any interest charges on their credit card transactions! How are we going to make money???

Me, thinking in my head – yah, you are only after your fat bonus at the expense of the Rakyat.

Datuk CC continued: You tell everyone to sign up for our 2 Cards but you only recommend them to use the AMEX and earn RM600 per year guaranteed cash back on essential stuff and keep the Visa and MasterCard (which only earns the cardholder 1x Reward Point) in their drawers. And you even have a tutorial where you teach our card holders to stop using the AMEX once they reach the maximum monthly cash back cap of RM50 and then switch to other banks’ credit cards to earn more cash back!

If you have yet to take my FREE 2018 Credit Card Tutorial 101, you should click here or on the image below now and you will learn the basics of owning a credit card.

Me: Datuk, you advertise the cash back as card benefits? I am just highlighting it to the public. As for recommending other banks’ credit cards, wouldn’t you yourself want to earn more in cash back?

Datuk CC: Moreover, your articles on Free entries to Airport Lounges cost us tons of money because more people are entering them using our credit cards. Every time our card holder uses his/her card to enter an airport lounge, it cost us money!

Me: That’s why I said you guys are one of the most generous banks.

Datuk CC (continue to “taruh” me): Worst, you go teach your followers about our Online Savers and Q-Cash where they can park their money before paying their Credit Card bills. Therefore, not only are we not earning income from imposing interest on Outstanding Balance, we are also getting payments later, i e. just before Due Date. Can you please stop teaching your readers to go park their money elsewhere instead of paying their bills 1 or 2 weeks before the Due Date so we can utilize the funds by offering personal loans to the Rakyat so they become poorer immediately and working FREE for us and making us richer!

If you did not know, Personal Loan is the quickest way to become poorer. Upon you accepting a bank’s personal loan offer, you are immediately imposed interest upfront – Personal Loan IS NO DIFFERENT from the operations of Ah Longs. For example, you are approved a Personal Loan for the amount of RM10,000 with 4% interest where repayment is 5 years. The interest imposed is equal to RM10K x 4% x 5 years = RM2K. In other words, the moment you sign the acceptance form, you are extra RM2K poorer on the spot (you loan RM10K but you immediately owe the bank RM12K) and the bank becomes richer by RM2K (profit) on the spot. Same case for car hire purchase loan. Click on the image below to learn more as to why you should avoid Personal Loans:

CEO: Datuk CC, cool down. GenX is is just helping the Rakyat to cope with the high cost of living. He even has a blog for assisting people to burn money on material stuff where my wife is a fan. He has articles on handbags by Hermes, Dior, Louis Vuitton, Chanel, Prada, Coach, Longchamp plus watches by Tag Heuer. Oris and Rolex.

Datuk CC: But Datuk CEO, it is all his fault that we are losing money. That’s why I had to inflate our Credit Cards Reward Points Redemption Program and increase the Enrich Miles redemption too. We have a responsibility to our shareholders to make more profit for them yearly. This GenX is not helping us.

Me, thinking in my head – normal lah, corporate world, all cover own ass and blame others. And they are playing good guy (the CEO) and bad guy (Datuk CC) routine which I am very familiar with; as I have used the same strategy prior to me quitting my corporate job. All this while, I kept my mouth shut as they play out their strategy.

CEO: Datuk, everyone has a price and foes can be turned into allies. Don’t you agree GenX?

Me, thinking in my head – Huh? Testing me….

CEO (continued without waiting for an answer from me): We can come up with a Win-Win situation.

Me, thinking in my head once again – yeah, standard business talk, in reality there is only one winner in every situation. If both win than it is a draw.

CEO (continuing playing the good guy): We are pleased to offer you a position in our organization.

Me: Datuk CEO, I am honored and speechless.

Datuk CC (once again playing the bad guy part): That is if you stop teaching your readers how to earn money from cash back credit cards, do not inform them that our credit card reward points have validity period so they conveniently let it expire and don’t redeem Enrich Miles so that they can fly Business Class for FREE.

Datuk HR (first time he spoke, playing the neutral guy part): We would like to offer you a twelve month contract as our Non-Executive Credit Card Strategist Head, Grade X1.

Datuk CC: Your scope of work is to produce articles to entice our card holders to swipe our cards on non-essential goods using with or without 0% installment plans so that they spend beyond their means (like Citibank and HSBC banks where their card earn you nominal returns for essential stuff) and NOT to pay in time prior to the Due Date so that we can penalize them for Late Payment, only to pay the minimum payment so that we can impose high interest rates on the Outstanding Balance and do not remind them of our credit card reward points validity period so that our card holders hopefully will not redeem them and have them automatically expire. After 12 months you shall delete all your articles in your blog except those which are approved by us and you are to stop blogging.

Me (playing along and ignoring Datuk CC): Datuk HR, what level is Grade XI? Datuk what Grade? Your Datuk CEO what Grade? May I ask what’s your janitor’s Grade? How much are you paying me for 12 months work?

Datuk HR: Datuk CEO, Grade A1 which is the highest level in our organization, Datuk CC, Grade B4 and myself, Grade B2 (higher than Datuk CC). Janitor Grade? Ahhhh…. I think it is Grade W4. Your Grade level X is a newly created Grade for your goodself and named after you, Mr. GenX. And you will be commensurated accordingly.

Me: Datuk HR, can you be more specific on the pay? As for the Grade, I understand it (Me thinking in my head – Grade X1 lower than a janitor Grade W4!!!).

Datuk HR: In view that you have been unemployed for more than 5 years and you have been producing articles for FREE to assist the Rakyat, we are proposing a package salary of RM24K per annum. Bonus shall be based on your KPI. (Me thinking out loud again in my head – WTF!!! That’s even lower that what fresh graduates are getting where the minimum pay should be RM3K per month or RM36K p.a.).

Me: Okay, please let me think about it and I’ll get back to you soon. And thank you for your time Datuk, Datuk and Datuk.

CEO: Here is a souvenir, GenX (it’s one of those cheap imitation Montblanc pens with Harimau logo). Pn. Noraniza will show you to the lift and will call you in a day or two for your answer. Is there anything I can help you with, if no, have a nice day. Goodbye.

Harimau Pen

CONCLUSION

The descent from the 28th floor down to the lobby in the lift felt like an eternity. Upon reaching the lobby of Menara Harimau, it then only hit me what just happened. I was so pissed off that I wasted my time waking up early in the morning, got stuck in traffic and being insulted where I am only told I was worth RM2K per month up to 12 months only; and in return all I got was a cheap rip-off pen.

The mental torture was so overwhelming that I started banging my head on the cold granite wall… next thing I knew, it was pitch dark, my body felt terribly cold and I had a massive headache….. I had fallen off the bed and was lying on the marble floor and there was a big bump on my head, hahahaha… Happy April Fools’ Day 2018.

CEO* in this article means – Chief Entertainment Officer